My favorite Christmas present

Uncle Danny's sideburns riddle my dreams with anxiety. They go straight out from the bottom of his ears to the middle of his face. What the What?? Are you serious? This has NEVER been popular nor will it EVER be. It has never been a style ANYONE has ever done. It is hilariously bad. I am not talking bad as in good.... 1989. I am serious when I say it is Electric Boogaloo bad. (Even though I Loved E.B. when I was younger, turns out it is a really horrible movie.)

So tonight Danny knocked on the door while I am in the middle of making dinner for 9 kids. I get called over to the doorway. Danny hands me a giant coffee mug filled with the most lovely candies and cookies. I said, "hey" and he hands me the mug. I'm like, "Did someone give this to you?" He says, "No". At this point I am really confused because one can not buy homemade treats at Walmart. Nate saunters in from the bedroom with a large grin on his face. He asks if I like Danny's Christmas present. Danny starts framing his face with his hands like he is dancing the Vogue. (Let's take a little sidebar from this story. He really IS vogueing. How does one spell that? Darn it all. How is one supposed to keep a straight face?) It is dark, but I start to glimpse the skin of young Daniel's face. THE ERATIC SIDEBURNS ARE MISSING. Praise the razor, Happy Holidays. Danny says, "I never knew you didn't like Elvis." Really, that was supposed to be Elvis? It came across as serial killer.

Danny leaves. I am about to dig in when Nate tells me that one of the guys at the body shop gave this large candy filled mug to Danny. Turns out Danny cut a small hole into the plastic and dug out the cookies that he liked before he gave it to me. WHAT? He put his fingers (I would trust a dirty hand from a 2 yr old that touches their bum hole after having acid poo before I would trust Danny's hand) where and then gave me what? Suck. Yes children I just said Suck. Good thing you won't be allowed to read this until you are of the age where I will be like, " remember the days when my main worry was that you might say the word suck. Can we please go back to the easy times when all I did all day was ban really funny words."

Dude

Numero Uno. You babysat today. I must say that you were .................................. Fabulous!! I came home to an extremely clean house, fed potlickers, paper boats in the bathtub, and a fort in the front room. I am super impressed your with skills. Ava and Elle had so much fun they wanted me to leave again. I will totally forgive you for the comment about me being old and the fact that you don't think I am very funny. Guess what superstar, I am funny. I am a funny nerd - take that 6th grader.

Just a random comment - Auntie Kimmy went a little nutso on the worker at the Camelback Inn today when they tried to overcharge me. Can I tell you how nice it was to have someone take care of me and not have to be the Bosshole.

Dear Camelback Inn,

Shape up.

Hugs and Kisses,

Jen

We visited the most delightful little place three years ago - Disneyland. We are going to venture back next month. This trip was one of my fav. #3 you stood up so straight. You were right on the borderline for height requirements. Check out the look on your face; so much concentration happening. This standing thing was quite the mission for you. I'm not sure how much enjoyment went on??

I am super excited for our pending trip. I am very anticipatory for the pictures that will be rendered!!! I hope you find the time to have a wee bit of fun at this most happy place. Merry Christmas little one!!

I am trying to have a little bit of ALONE time in the bath. #4 you come in with the horse head/ stick thing.

You say, "This is needsaw. He knows how to jump and nap. Want to see?"

Me, " Oh please show me Needsaw's tricks."

At this point you jump and down with much energy.

Me, "Needsaw you are so great at jumping."

#4 (with an exaggerated drawl) "Moooom, that isn't Needsaw jumping. It is me. Pshhhh."

You totally Pshhed me; questioning my intelligence.

Swine.....not the flu

Today I went in and volunteered at the holiday party with you #3. I was at the cookie decorating station. I decided to take the time to get to know your wee friends a bit better. I went around the table and asked the kids what they were asking for from Santa. Holy Crapola. These little people are greedy. YOU my dear were one of 3 that were asking for a realistic present. (Thank you!!) Here is a breakdown:

23 kids

4 girls asked for puppies. One of them also wanted a scooter with puppies on it.

4 girls asked for kittens and ipods

11 boys asked for XBox 360, Nintendo DSI, and ipods

1 boy wanted a lego agent kit. (The way he described this was super fun to watch. He was so animated I thought he had some coffee in him. "and then the green giant comes after him." Oh, I thought these were spies - where did the giant/monster come from and why are your arms flying all over the place - you almost whacked the little boy next to you in the face. Dude, calm down.)

2 girls - Club Penguin (YAAAAY this was you and Miss. Mallory)

AND THE WINNING SANTA REQUEST....................................................a PIG. No I am not kidding. Mariah (who not to be unkind, but is shaped rather like a small pig) is also asking for a pig. She was extremely cute when letting me know that her mom said no to the pig. She still doesn't understand why.

We delivered cupcakes to a couple of families tonight. One of them gave us some popcorn. All I hear in the back seat for the next 15 min before snoring was,

"Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Ava Loves popcorn and the numnums. (this is of course your made up word for anything with sugar.) Oh, thank you very much. They had a Santa House."

Holy Emotional Rollercoaster

This morning we went out for breakfast and as we are sitting and eating when THREE separate families came over to talk to us. Every single one of them told us that you were the cutest baby/child they had ever seen. Outright fawning over you. The first one did say you were a beautiful baby. When they walked away you said,

" I am not a baby. Why did they say that I was a baby? I am not small. Hummp"

Fast forward 6 hours to the MASSIVE temper tantrum you had this evening. You wondering what spurred it? Oh little Miss. Bossy (thinks you run the house) pants it was because you wanted me to open my bed up for you to snuggle your dirty face in the blanket. May I elaborate on the dirty face? You licked the chocolate mixer after I made cupcakes. You looked like you had a brown beard. Did I clean it right away???? No Missy you were so cute with red hair and a brown beard. This temper tantrum was so crazy that it lasted 45 minutes. You decided that you needed out of time-out because you had the hiccups. The next excuse was that you needed your hands washed. There was so much screaming and no catching of the breath that I thought you might fall over. After 30 minutes your dad and I looked at each other saying,

"Isn't she exhausted? Isn't she going to stop? I would like this evil twin to find her unfit parents and go back to their cave."

Three years ago......Christmas

I was looking at our photos from previous Christmases. Three years ago we ventured down to Rocky Point just before the holiday. These are some of my FAVORITE pictures of you guys. These birds were super inquisitive. They kept coming to your hand to grab the food you were holding.
Hey Elle. You love the beach. Then and Now. True happiness is visible on your face.

Sweet #3, notice that you didn't really like clothing when you were younger. I hope that by the time you read this that you have become fond of fabrics.

It has been a week of poop. Not the normal poo, rather the acid smelly disgusting pipe that we despise. At one point three of you were at home sick from escuela. I was wiping bums, doing laundry, and feeding you constantly. Four days in I was down to one home - #4 - (mind you the nurse called while we were at the store and we had to run and pick you up #2. Pooped pants at school. Ewe) #4, you and I tried to make a quick trip to the grocery store. Ten minutes into our frantic visit ( I was running around the store trying to grab everything we needed before you needed to use the facilities.) guess what 10 minutes and

you say, "mommy, I need to go potty!"

A mad dash to the bathroom at the front of the store. I try to quickly put the toilet protector down. I go thru 3 of them, ripping the first 2 in a rush. Finally the 3rd one is on and I plop you down. 60 sec later

#4 "Mom, I sink it is not working."

First of all I LOVE that you can't say think and that it comes out sink. You say it like it is meant to be. I assume you are referring to the potty and assure you that it is working fine. I let you know the potty cover is on there and all is good!! In a sweet little voice that is super delicate the following was said:

#4 "No it is not working."

I say, " What is not working?"

#4 " My body mama. I sink my body is not working."

Best Friends

You two are so cute.

Can I get an Amen that we live in the year 2009!!! As cute as they look, the shoes look uncomfortable and a cape just doesn't work for my shape and a dress ALL the time? Not to mention that I don't know why but I get the feeling that they are cold. I think it is the stern look on their faces. Love getting a glimpse into the past!

Uncle Danny asks the BEST questions

Dad was bringing Uncle Danny home from work yesterday. After about 10 minutes in the car, he noticed Danny feeling around the outside of his jacket. He found something in one of the pockets. From the outside of the pocket he kept feeling it and trying to make out a shape. Apparently this went on for quite some time. So here is the best part, he turns to dad and asks (in a super perplexed voice),

"Do you know what is in my pocket?"

It is always funny because Uncle D thinks that dad knows the ANSWER to EVERYTHING!!!!!

More Family Pictures

So, the other day I was running around the house like a mad woman. Trying to get a bunch of stuff done before we had to leave for an appointment. I ran into my room to grab my tweezers (piece of wood stuck in #3's friends foot - that and I love to multitask and pluck while doing chores) when lo and behold I ran across the following:Really? I vowed while snapping 30 pictures that if you get married and we have a picture montage this will be in the footage a number of times. Classic Carter

Aretha Franklin WHO??

I went outside to find you belting out a tune. Here is the funny thing......................I couldn't understand the words, yet it sounded slightly familiar. Fast forward to yesterday when I am in the car with #1, you, and Ryan when lo and behold Pink comes on. You started singing the ENTIRE song. Granted you didn't really know the words, but had such fervor with what you did know - Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah......nah nah nah nah ..nah nah. You would shout out words sometimes like........Rockstar...................tonight...............alright.............so what.

The thing is I don't really listen to this song unless I am running. This means headset, ipod and no noise outside of my head. Maybe we are connected telepathically. If that is the case then you know the thought that most regularly goes thru my head is ...................................."how is a bridge constructed. Especially the one at the Hoover Dam. It floors me. How the crap is it done? It is not like they can use a crane. How do they construct a bridge over such a massive hole? The pictures are mind boggling. That one I just saw on the 12 news mini clip during the Today Show was the most confusing. Two sides of the bridge over a GIGANTIC valley with a space of a couple hundred feet where they don't meet up yet. Maybe they will do a Dirty Jobs episode on it and all of my questions will be answered. dam the Dam."

If you really are connected to me so intimately you may grow up and see a bridge and just start talking in circles. Yes, that is the extent to what I think about. That and cheese Ya'all. I have a relationship with cheese. When I want a happy thought I think about Lemons, Ingrid Michaelson, and CHEESE.